Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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