I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
