counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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