chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
