shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
