Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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