I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
