I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
