i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize