i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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