Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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