a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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