i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize