it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize