I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
