Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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