that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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