I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
