Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
