So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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