Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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