first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
