yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
