i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
