Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
