And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
