I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
