Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
