my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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