i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
