I hate your face
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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