...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
