mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
