She is in my trunk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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