im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's always time for handjobs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
