you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
