I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
