More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
