I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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