Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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