similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
