Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
