32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
