I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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