Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
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