I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
