I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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