hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
