I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
