You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
