i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
