If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize