So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
