A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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