Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
