I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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