now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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