i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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