i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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