Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
