walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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