my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
