This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
